Nowadays, the gay rights movement is huge. Its growing in strength, and the idea of homosexuality is becoming more acceptable (even with some opposition remaining ). However, while gay men are getting their faces out there, gay women stay more hidden. It’s much more common (and I think, for most people, more okay) to see a gay couple versus a lesbian couple. Yes, some guys think it’s hot when they see women making out, but really only when they see hot, straight women. If a butch lesbian crosses their path… it’s just gross.
So, when people think that society is progressing with sitcoms centering on gay couples… Think about those shows. They’re all gay men! There’s stuff like RuPaul’s drag show, but it’s all men being women. Why not women being men? Where’s that drag show?
My best friend is lesbian. I was with her through all her struggles–both internal and external. It’s a struggle to come out to yourself as well as to the world. And she is passionate about gay rights. She gets herself involved in the LGBT community and speaks and performs to promote equality. She also is not a bit ashamed of who she is, yet does not come off too strong. She’s lesbian, and that’s that. It’s not a big deal, but it is what it is.
However, her involvement in that community has gotten me to learn some interesting truths about the gay community. Gay men are everywhere, making loud statements, confident that they are right. And honestly, people are pretty tolerable. But lesbians are a different story. Not as many have the confidence to get themselves out there–because not as many people are okay with it.
The gay rights movement is not just about accepting homosexuality that we’re okay with–it’s about accepting all kinds of homosexuality.
I’ve noticed the difference between society’s acceptance of gays and lesbians as well, but your post is the first time I’ve actually seen it discussed. I wonder what generates the difference between society’s acceptance. Could it possibly have something to do with girl’s acceptance of gays vs. guys acceptance of lesbians? Please pardon the stereotype, but many girls love the idea of having a fashionable, sassy gay best friend. Boys don’t seem as intrigued by the idea of having a lesbian best friend. The way boys act is often dictated by the ways girls want them to act, and vice versa. Guys think straight girls hooking up with each other is hot, so girls make out with each other. Girls think straight guys hooking up with each other is weird, so guys don’t do don’t make out with each other. I know there is more to the behavioral psychology of men and women than that, but I still think the idea is intriguing. Maybe the perception of lesbians is heavily dictated by the male perception of lesbians.
I think this is a really thoughtful post, Eva Mei. We have lots of cultural references that depict gay men, but far fewer that depict gay women. And women have historically been left out of fights for gay rights (as have bisexual and transgender people). Do you think this is an issue of gender roles trumping sexuality? Do you foresee a time when there’s a Modern Family-type show with a lesbian couple?
I find this whole topic somewhat interesting. I’m straight. Always have been, always will be. I like women. That’s how I was born. However, not everyone is born that way. People are always afraid of people that are different than them, whether different in ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, or just viewpoints. I don’t feel that way, really. I treat everyone the same way. I don’t know why we don’t see as many lesbians as gay guys. Maybe it’s because they aren’t as obvious? Not to sound like I’m stereotyping, but I feel like I can figure out when a guy is gay or when he’s straight by some pretty common rules. Of the lesbians I know, they generally don’t seem any different from straight women. As a somewhat embarassing example, there was a girl in my high school who I thought was a lesbian. I was really nice to her and found out the next year that she apparently had had a huge crush on me. I’m not a woman, so… I guess I screwed up judging there.
Now it’s time to play things from the opposite point of view: the other day there was like some sort of gay/lesbian/bisexual/transexual thing going on in the HUB. Some guy was going around saying “gay hugs? anyone want a gay hug?” It was a bit odd. Now, what would happen if I tried to make a straight guy association and went around asking everyone if they wanted straight hugs? How would that go over? Thoughts, anyone?