“What is your first memory?” It’s a fairly common question. One I know that I have been asked many times. Most people have an already prepared answer. I know I do; I even wrote an essay on it freshman year of high school for English class. I remember going to Idlewild when I was four years old. Honestly, the only vivid memory I have is playing in the ball pit. Because of my parents, I know I spent the rest of the day on Mister Roger’s Train and in Story Book Forest, but for some reason the only memory that stuck was the ball pit.
In class, we learned that it is impossible to know which memories are real and which are just reconstructions that our brains create. I like to believe that the ball pit is an actual memory and what I am recalling actually happened, but it is simply impossible to know. Maybe, I am just creating a picture in my mind of a memory based on what my parents have told me. My parents on several occasions have told me about my first trip to Idlewild. Apparently, I loved the Good Ship Lollipop, and they had to literally drag me out of the ball pit. It is possible that what I am recalling as my first memory is not actually a memory at all.
What seems like a simple question, “What is your first memory?” is actually an impossible one to answer. The idea that what we remember may not actually be real is an almost creepy concept to consider.
What about memories that we recall often? In class, we used the example of September 11. I was fairly young on that day, only in second grade, but I can still remember that day like a short movie clip. I can remember that it was a Tuesday. I can almost hear my principal coming on the loud speaker to announce that there had been an attack. I can remember that by lunch time, parents of some of my classmates started to arrive to take their children home. I remember returning to my classroom, and my teacher telling us that we could just play games until our parents arrived. I can still remember when my parents arrived and drove me home. When we finally got home, I remember watching the news and seeing the plane crashes occurring over and over again.
It feels like a vivid movie reel in my head, but is it even a real memory. It is a memory I have had to recall so many times that I wonder if I am remembering the actual memory or if my brain is just constructing a memory based on previous recollections and not the actual event. I will never know.
Memory is difficult to study. Knowing how easily it can be manipulated and how unreliable it is, is important especially considering how many court cases are decided by eye witness testimony. With more study, maybe we will unlock more information about how we process, store, and recall memories, but for now, I guess I will just have to keep using the Idlewild story as my first memory.