Category Archives: TBill

I haven’t posted in a while … I post when the spirit compels me, as it has in this case. This post is about perspective. A dear friend of mine who has seen more than her share of adversity once … Continue reading →

Some of you don’t believe COVID-19 is real. Some of you believe it’s just a bad cold or the flu, or a political hoax. Some of you won’t wear a mask, or you won’t wear it properly. Some of you … Continue reading →

When Bill died, there were people I hadn’t heard from, which surprised me. When they finally reached out, they apologized, saying they were heartbroken and wanted to reach out, but they weren’t sure what to say and didn’t want to … Continue reading →

The world as we know it has been turned on its head. Most people are working remotely, or not able to work at all. Education is being done remotely, or in some cases, not at all. Businesses deemed non-essential are … Continue reading →

One year. Wow. John and I have been married for one year. It doesn’t seem like it’s possible that a year has gone by, and at the same time it feels like we’ve been together for much longer. That’s one … Continue reading →

Happy birthday in Heaven, Bill. You would have been 58 years old today, and I continue to love and miss you. You remain in my heart and soul, but no longer can I hold you. I won’t ever forget the … Continue reading →

There are times in life when doing the right thing looks, to some people, like failure. This is one of those times. I have decided not to finish my Ph.D. I passed my comprehensive examination, gathered my research data and … Continue reading →

Dear Santa, I believe in you … you are God’s spirit of love and giving, represented here on Earth in so many ways, including as the jolly old man with the white beard and red suit. If we truly believe … Continue reading →

I’m getting married … WOW! Those of you who know me, and know John, have seen the very positive changes in each of us since we have been spending time together. However, there are many of my friends and family … Continue reading →

When Bill died, I became angry with God. I tried to understand why Bill was gone, and I couldn’t. And so I turned my back on God. I decided I was better off following my own path. But, as I … Continue reading →

Happy New Year, everyone. This post is coming a few days after New Year’s Day, but that’s because I’ve been contemplating what I want out of 2018. Many years ago, I stopped making New Year’s resolutions, because to me, they … Continue reading →

I believe in Santa. I believe… I believe… It’s silly, but I believe. You see, Santa is the manifestation of kindness and joy and love and all the other intangibles … things that really matter. That makes Santa Claus the … Continue reading →

Cancer sucks. And once again, it has played a role in taking yet another loved one from me. Craig Swartz, a dear man who became my big brother when Bill died, passed from this world at about 1:10 p.m. today. … Continue reading →

Recently, I’ve gone through something personal that has further defined – or perhaps more accurately has further revealed – who I am as a person. What I’ve experienced doesn’t matter and won’t be discussed here, so please don’t ask. What … Continue reading →

Bill and I used to discuss every major decision in our lives. For 30 years I bounced things off of him to get his input before acting, and he would do the same thing with me. We both loved having … Continue reading →

Once again, Father Matthew’s homily hit home. He tied today’s readings and Gospel together in a way that addressed something personal for me, and gave me guidance that I need. I don’t know how he keeps doing that, except through … Continue reading →

For those of you who may be interested, here’s an update on my faith journey. This past Tuesday, I went to training for new liturgical ministers, and was welcomed into that group with open arms. Before going to the training, … Continue reading →

Give God an inch, and he takes a mile. Today at church, an old wound – one that separated Bill from the church – was addressed, further strengthening my resolve to find my way back to God and my faith. … Continue reading →

I said good-bye to a friend today. While I know Beth is in a better place, those of us she left behind mourn her passing. It’s not fair that she’s gone. Like Bill, she was too young to die. But … Continue reading →

God speaks to us, but we don’t always hear Him. He’s been trying to speak to me, but I wasn’t ready to listen. But God can be persistent and over the past eight days, His messages have been so persistent … Continue reading →

I danced. I mean, I really danced. I was at the Spin Doctors concert at Happy Valley Music Fest with friends last night. My friends and I were among those who were standing up close to the stage, part of … Continue reading →

Although I am not a musician, I often use music to express my emotions. This is the song for today: https://youtu.be/wDds7OD04Pk Two years. I can’t believe it’s been two years – it seems like yesterday. But it’s not. It’s been … Continue reading →

I have been seeing a counselor for a while now, and she’s really helping me. Tonight she asked me when the last time was that I wrote about how I’m feeling. I admitted that it’s been a long time since … Continue reading →

They’re still with me. At the end of the day yesterday, I received an email asking me if I wanted to be adviser to a student organization at Penn State. The invitation came from someone I truly admire and respect, … Continue reading →

Yesterday was my mother’s funeral. My daughter, Rachel, gave the eulogy. I could not possibly have done a better job of capturing the essence of my Mom. Here’s what Rachel said: —– Good morning. Thank you for being here to … Continue reading →

Until now, this blog has been about my journey in learning how to live without Bill. Today, my post is about my mother. Cancer sucks. My Mom died today, after a six-month battle with stage 4 lung cancer. She was … Continue reading →

Someone posted a video of the Peanuts gang dancing to “Linus and Lucy” the other day. Without even clicking on it, I was transported back in time to Christmases past, when I would play that song to kick off Christmas … Continue reading →

Forgive me if I’m a little weepy this week. Tomorrow – Nov. 1 – marks a very special day in my life. Bill rarely sent me flowers, but he did on Nov. 1 on a couple of occasions. Here’s why: … Continue reading →

On this date 33 years ago, I learned just how good Bill was at planning surprises … and also how much he loved me. Bill had bet me a nice dinner at the Train Station on College Avenue that the … Continue reading →

Family. What does that word mean to you? I know what it means to me. I have one of the best families in the world. My kids, my parents, my aunts and uncles, my cousins … together we are an … Continue reading →

In the last week or so, I have had several people say to me, “you look good!” or “you seem happier” or “something’s different” or some other variation. They can’t put their finger on it, but they’re noticing a bit … Continue reading →

My Mom taught me that life is like a wheel. I have turned that wheel into a Ferris Wheel. The Ferris Wheel spins – sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. Sometimes you get stuck at the top and the view is spectacular, … Continue reading →

I have been struggling. We’ve passed that “magical” one-year mark since Bill died. I’ve been through all of the “firsts,” and have had an incredible amount of support throughout that traumatic journey. But now what? That first year is over. … Continue reading →

Sheryl Sandberg, the chief operating officer of Facebook, lost her husband last year, shortly before I lost Bill. Shortly after Bill died, she posted about the first 30 days without her husband. So many people shared that column with me, … Continue reading →

I’ve been thinking about Bill a lot lately. Many of you know that this week, which used to be among the happiest of the year for us, now is the saddest for me. Bill’s birthday on May 1 kicked things … Continue reading →

Last year, Bill and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary a day early for logistical reasons. This year, I marked the occasion a day early again, because it’s supposed to rain tomorrow and I wanted to put our flowers out … Continue reading →

Koch Funeral Home worked hard to make sure Bill’s headstone was installed before Bill’s birthday. It turned out exactly as I had hoped it would. Stylish but not flashy, and definitely unique … just like Bill.

Valentine’s Day. I never realized just how pervasive the advertising is for this “Hallmark holiday.” I remember my first Valentine’s Day with Bill. We had been going out for just over three months. We joined a few other couples on … Continue reading →

Today I did the impossible. These empty hangers used to hold Bill’s clothing … which is now in 16 bags in my basement, with four suits and a never-worn tuxedo laid on top. I’m donating them to the Purple Heart … Continue reading →

Love begins with a choice. A choice to open yourself up, to make yourself vulnerable, to allow yourself to take a chance that the other person is willing to do the same. I’ve been thinking a lot about Bill today, … Continue reading →

It’s Christmas Eve, in a holiday season like no other in my life. As I sit here at my kitchen table drinking my coffee, I can’t help but reflect on the past nearly eight months. When Bill died on May … Continue reading →

Today, on my first Thanksgiving without Bill, I look around me and although I miss him terribly, I remain thankful. I am thankful for the 30 years I was married to the most wonderful man in the world, the most … Continue reading →

Lately a few people have told me how much they appreciated reading the posts I made when Bill first died. They said that while they could tell it was an emotional release for me, they also appreciated what I shared, … Continue reading →

Last week during his concert, Paul McCartney opened his second encore with “Yesterday,” which is my favorite Beatles song. Tears were streaming down my face as I used my phone to record the song. Kirk, on my right, also was … Continue reading →

Tonight’s Paul McCartney concert was phenomenal. He put on an incredible show that I won’t soon forget. Some songs triggered tears, which I knew would happen, but I was surrounded by some of the best friends a person could ever … Continue reading →

The lower-level unit shown here is 2109 Fox Run Drive in Plainsboro, NJ – the first apartment Bill and I rented as newlyweds back in 1985. Also shown: the entrance to the apartment. I drove by today while on a … Continue reading →

Another memory, this time from three years ago. O Richard Bundy wanted two very specific pictures of the Penn State Blue Band Official formations from the halftime show at the first game of the 2012 season – one from the … Continue reading →

So very much has changed. A year ago at the Arboretum’s Friends and Founders reception there was a beautiful full moon. BIll and I had some fun with photography, and I got a great picture of him in front of … Continue reading →

From two years ago: “Congratulations to Bill Mountz, who celebrated his 25 years working for Penn State by spending time with good friends at the Grange Fair.”

When Bill died, many people told me this first year without him would be the hardest. Facing all those “firsts” without him would be an emotional roller coaster. Those who know from experience warned me that some things I think … Continue reading →