STATE COLLEGE, Pa. — This afternoon Penn State’s beloved student information system LionPATH was forever erased after a local professor mistakenly deleted it while trying to stop YouTube AutoPlay.
For a moment today, all of Pennsylvania State University fell silent to pay respects to one of the greatest technological contributions this campus has ever seen, LionPATH. The highly efficient student database met its untimely demise earlier this afternoon at the hands of women’s studies professor, Barbara Johnson.
“It all just happened so fast,” Johnson hopelessly remarked, “I mean one moment I was copy and pasting a URL from the PowerPoint into YouTube and the next I was erasing all of LionPATH.”
Reportedly, Johnson had been trying to stop Youtube from AutoPlaying a TED-Ed video titled “The treadmill’s dark and twisted past” when instead — in a rather magnificent display of technological ineptitude — she managed to not only completely close every open program on the computer, but also single-handedly destroy Penn State’s once great management information system.
“It was absolutely horrifying,” said Lauren Harris (junior-toxicology). “It was like the entire class was trapped in a silent purgatory as we all tried to telepathically coach our professor on how to use a computer.”
But alas, the only thing the class of helpless students could do was watch as LionPATH — like the great Roman Empire — was inevitably brought down to its knees and mercilessly slaughtered. Now all that remains of its legacy is a singular loading page with a wheel that will never stop turning.
