I recently watched a television show where a couple was in a long distance relationship, and they’re relationship got even stronger because of it. I wonder if the saying is really true though, ” does absence make the heart grow fonder”?
After doing some research online, most people agree with this, and I actually had a hard time finding a study that really says that it does not. The one study that I did find that agreed with the saying had ” 63 heterosexual couples in their early twenties, where most of the long distance couples were separated for 17 months typically because of different schools. Researchers asked the couples to fill out ones weeks worth of daily online surveys regarding the quality and quantity of communication they had with their significant others”(USAtoday.com). “In the end the researchers found that the non long distance couples communicated more with text message, and the long distance couples had fewer interaction but they communicated more with phone calls and face time. The researchers concluded that the long distance couples felt more committed to one another and felt more intimate with one other”(usatoday.com)(cnn.com)
Now with this study I see that there can be a lot of other reasons why the long distance couples could have had a better relationship than the other couples. Since this study was an observational one, third variables can be at hand.I believe a lot of these conclusions also have to deal with the person and the couple themselves and what they prefer. Some people actually prefer to have a lot of space for themselves, and not have to worry about their significant other hovering over them all of the time, but others can be the complete opposite. I also think when it comes to this study that it should be a lot bigger. Maybe their conclusions would have came out a lot more differently if the used couples other than heterosexual couples, and more couples. The “study did say that all of the couples had some sort of ties to Cornell University”(USAtoday). and so they were either students or they’re partners were, but does this mean that all of the couples were all in the same kind of environment? Maybe some couples had the stress of school upon them, which then took a toll on their relationship. Maybe age played a role with these conclusions. Who knows maybe fifty year old long distance couples versus fifty year old couples that aren’t long distance were not as happy with their relationships.
When it comes to this topic I believe a lot of thinking can be taken into hand and that not one answer can come from this topic.I think for the study to be more direct maybe more things should be the same, even that is kind of hard to do. For example the couples need to have been in the relationship for the same amount of time. Like many observations, a lot of other variables can be taken into hand as to why the long distance relationships had a better relationship. For example I think technology also plays a big part into this study. The study did say the couples that were not long distance communicated with one another through text message and the long distance couples communicated more with phone calls and face time. What if the couples that were not long distance couples could not call or face time their significant other? What if the long distance couple not call. text, face time there significant other at all, how well would their relationships work then? I think technology could be some what of a plausible mechanism, because it seems to be what is really make the long distance relationships really work. Chance of course can always be taken into hand as well because it could just so happen be that those certain long distance couples just had overall better relationships as the other couples.
Overall like I said I believe when it comes to the topic of “Does Absence Make the Heart Grow Fonder” it really has a lot of reasons why it can and cannot work. I do not think there can be one direct answer to that because it all depends on the person, and what they prefer when it comes to a relationship.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/07/20/long-distance-relationships-2013/2568295/
http://www.cnn.com/2013/09/17/living/relationships-long-distance-benefits/
I agree with Nicole’s comment, this almost impossible to study because it is hard to measure feeling. Every person is has different emotions and different ways of expressing their emotions, so it would be hard to get an accurate measure of how one is feeling about a long distance relationship. You would also have to look further into the person and see how they trust someone else, if they deal with abandonment issues, etc. because this could alter how someone handles being in a long distance relationship. This article points out that absence should in fact do the opposite, and instead of growing fonder it should just make you miss the person more and sad that you can not be with them- this is not growing fonder of someone.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/galtime/absence-shouldnt-make-the-heart-grow-fonder_b_3685481.html
I thought I would also look into this, but I wanted to focus on one topic you brought up with texting vs. phone calls. In an article by Theresa DiDonato on PyschologyToday.com, she expresses the pros and cons of texting, which is a popular way for people to stay in contact today (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201403/is-constant-texting-good-or-bad-your-relationship). While this facilitates long-distance relationships, there seems to be a disconnect with texting. In heterosexual relationships, women prefer frequent texting to make them feel happier, but males feel suffocated by constant texting as it takes them away from other activities. Possibly, if long-distance relationships focus too much on texting then the partners will not be able to focus on their own realities and instead must constantly focus on their phones. From multiple sources online many suggest trying to keep in touch through occasional phone calls (again not to suffocate either party). However, these sources are all anecdotal since they don’t come from studies or scientific blogs.
I like how you really looked at the evidence and studies which you found. I feel like this is a difficult thing to measure in a study, how can you measure how in love someone is with someone else? Most of this is based on feelings which aren’t really things that can be measured. Never the less there are loads of articles that are pro long distance and claim that this saying is true that I found upon goggling this topic, however none of them are actual studies.