The Good and the Misguided

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

 

Flowering Spirit– This spirit guides my carefree and docile nature. This spirit keeps me calm, kind, accepting, and caring. Like a flower, this spirit helps me grow its the better version of myself each and every day.

Divine Energy- This spirit represents the nature of creation and the place that the divine holds in my life (i.e. religion). It gives life to everything its light touches, including me.  This spirit also warms me when the world feels bitter and cold.

Blue Fountain– This is my spirit of creativity. This spirit helps nurture my creativity in its purest form and environment, as water is to a garden. But it keeps my creativity constantly flowing as water might flow through a fountain. It helps me stay fluid and creative in an often uninspiring and rigid world.

All of these spirits reside on the mantel of my desk where they watch over me as I work day to day, next to the photos and other trinkets that have emotional significance to me.

Blue Brick Wall- This demon is the counterpart to the Blue fountain spirit, as it obstructs any creative flow in my life. It’s what prevents me from being productive or artistic, and leaves me feeling dreary and drained.

I placed this demon in my drawer where I have my go-to art supplies, it sits there blocking me from doing what I love, which as of recently has been painting. But this demon can be found anywhere among the things I like to do.

The Charlatan- This demon represents the doubt that hangs over me. It’s a dark lanky and depressing figure that poisons my mind with its doubtfulness. But often it disguises itself with a happy face trying to convey itself as helpful concern or logistical thinking.

Magik Man– This voodoo doll demon is the obsessiveness that sometimes takes over me. It represents the time where I treat myself like a voodoo dol trying to exert complete control over myself or any situation like one might control another person with a voodoo doll. But instead of physical harm, this demon causes a lot of mental and emotional harm, causing me to become overly fixated on small details or things out of my control.

The Magik Man and The Charlaton often work in league with each other to disrupt my life, so together they lurk in the shadows of my room. More specifically in the nook where I keep my books for school. I chose this place because these demons trouble me the most in situations concerning my academic career. 

 

Underneath the Canopy

 

This self-portrait is a visual representation of who I am and who I want to be. Like others, I have many faces and feelings that I choose from when thinking about how to present myself to the world. Most often my emotions are within the range of sadness, happiness, and very rarely anger. But one important factor that goes into deciding which masks I emerge with, depends on the contents and the weight of my heart. My heart symbolizing what I hold dearest to me, being my love of the sciences (represented by the vines as arteries), and my moral values. With my heart in one hand and a mask in the other,  I often weigh the contents of my being and try to choose what best represents me and how I’m feeling at any given point. The heart in my hand also represents the way I live my life, open and often vulnerable to others. The same way how people walk around with their hearts on their sleeves, I walk around with mine in my hand, ready and willing to share it with others. The forest and the leaves are also specific species of plants I chose to represent my heritage, as my family comes from tropical regions in the Caribbean, as well as my state of mind. Prayer leaves for devotion and focus,  philodendrons for personal growth, and monstera leaves for honor and longevity.

The Girl and her Chupacabra

A few paces off a winding dirt road wrapped around the mountain of El Yunque peak was the conception of a baby girl. It was in a small village at the base of the mountain that the unfathomable fate of this child was made known.

Described by the elders in attendance to have been like a feverish dream, a spirit had emerged from the jungle amidst a hurricane with a message. Though she whispered in tongues against the thundering skies, all heard and understood what was said that night.

Miraculously chiseled onto a stone wall in the family’s home, were events and milestones the girl was said to reach. Prophesying that a raven-haired child with two auspiciously placed birthmarks, each on her hand and nose would either prove to be one of the most benevolent leaders the world had ever seen or a lowly but great traveling healer.

Before the spirit had taken her leave, she warned that because an immense power of good would be born into the world, so would a great evil. So, From that day on it was agreed that all in attendance in the foretelling of the child’s future, would do what it took for it to reach its greatness and to protect it from the evils of the world, whatever it might have been.

Months before her birth, her father would commission an architect to build a compound in the center of the village. He filled it to the brim with all the knowledge and luxuries from all over, creating a scholarly kingdom in hopes his child would flourish. But to cultivate her intellectual and political talents, the girl’s father had sheltered her from the world.

Beginning on the night she was born, the skies cried, and their screams thundered. But all had gone silent the moment she had entered the world. It was as though the winds had stopped blowing and the rain had stilled itself midair, so there was no doubt of when her first breath had occurred. When she did, she wailed not one note but instead made a gentle gasp.

Immediately after, she opened her opalescent amber eyes and looked upon the sky, as if to affirm the gods that she had arrived. By her 8th month of life,  she took her first steps, and the earth quaked beneath her feet when she did. When she reached 1 year of life, she spoke her first words, and all-around who heard realized the wisdom she possessed was as boundless as the oceans.

This called many scholars and political figures from all over the world, bringing wealth and riches to her and the surrounding village as well. But she’d surpass every teacher who dared speak to her, master any and every skill, and outmaneuvered any person who dared to call themselves a skilled speaker of the people. She was called a prodigy, some said she’d be the next Julius Caesar, others said she’d surpass him. But all in all, the girl was everything as prophesied by the spirits and more.

Her father tried his best to show the girl the power she held in the palms of her hands if only she’d use the fury sequestered in her being. He taught her the bare minimum of the sciences, careful not to pique her interest in such things. But alas, after 16 long years, the girl grew bored with politics and limited knowledge. There was nothing more her father or any far traveling scholar could bring her, not without letting her leave the confines of her great village.

She yearned for what lied at the peak of the mountain, and then beyond that. She yearned for the world she’d read of and reimagined many times over. So much so, that at night, she’d wander to the village’s edge and look off into the darkness beneath the canopy. Drawing detailed pictures of the herbs and flowers and animals she’d find beneath the moonlit palm trees. Curious to learn about the yellow and red eyes that hid beneath the darkness.

Her father warned her against looking beyond the road laid in front of her. As well as the evils that laid in wait. Her mother pleaded with her not to refute what was already written in stone. But by the 17th year of her living, the girl decided to find the true bounds of her potential.

She had awoken at a time where nocturnal animals would begin their slumber and day walking animals would begin to will themselves awake. She grabbed a bag, filled it with provisions for 3 nights, a notebook, a pencil, a map to the mountains peak, a knife, and a blanket. She imagined all else she’d need; she would find or fashion herself. The girl proceeded to the outskirts of the village and stood on the border of stone and soil. She took her first steps into the unknown without forethought of what was to come.

She’d spend the first day along her journey documenting the intricacies of nature, further veering off the path her parents laid forth. But on the first night away from home, the girl would experience the feeling of true loneliness. Though she was surrounded by creatures of all kinds, they were more like an audience rather than company.

Within the safety and support of her parents and village neighbors, the girl always had a friend nearby. She was never without companionship. But at that moment, she found herself alone, with the watching red eyes of a beast hiding beneath the night.

On the morning of her second day, all the contents of her bag were strewn across the ground, including her food. Bite marks on the edges of her notebook and map. Collecting the rest of her belongings she went on her way to forage for food.

After a day of foraging, on the second night of her journey, the girl would experience true self-doubt. Living in the village, there was always a right answer and a right path to everything. And though she proved herself right every time, she still depended on the reassurance from everyone else around her.

Alone in the forest, The girl had nobody there to confirm what she thought to be true. It was on this night that the girl realized she never truly believed in herself. At the birth of this thought, the red eyes beneath the darkness had brightened and were then accompanied by a low growl.

Eventually, The sun would rise a second time marking her third day traveling up the mountain. The girl fed herself with low-bearing fruit she was nearly sure was found in her village and attempted to use her map as a guide to the peak.

Distracted by her anxiousness and paranoia and crippled by her self-doubt, her journey was lengthened. Besides, the red-eyed creature following her had grown louder and closer with every thought of indecision. The girl realized she would have to march through the third night to reach the peak and maintain her safety from the beast.

Her errors lead her to take an unsightly path, that was of greater danger than any other. In light of that, the third night of her journey was when the girl would experience the truest form of anxiousness.

Growing up in such comfort, The girl was never uneasy. She was never put into such unfamiliar situations, never nervous of what might come next, or unsure of her immediate future. She was told what was to come and understood every step of what was to be taken. Though her father warned her that the unknown was dangerous, she did not truly grasp what the “unknown” entailed.

In the wake of these three realizations, the world the girl had come to know was shattering. As the pieces of her sanity fell into the depths of her mind, the sky began to cry and scream as it did on the night of her birth.

The girl fought against the increasing incline of the muddy mountainside, the blistering cold winds shooting the droplets of water through the air, whilst on the run from the red-eyed beast following her. The girl couldn’t help but cry as she rushed her way through the ferns and flying palm leaves, as the trees couldn’t stand against the storm.

After hours of the difficult trek up the mountainside, the girl was one small cliff side away from the peak. By this time, the storm had eased but the red-eyed beast had finally come to present itself under the slight blue moonlight. Frozen at the sight of a Chupacabra, the girl looked as it bared its teeth, snarled against the still howling winds, and raised the needle-like spikes along its spine.

The girl knew the opponent she faced, was the inexplicable evil the spirits and her family spoke about. The Chupacabra, the personification of her demons. The entire way of the journey, it lied in wait as she fed it with her insecurities and unease.

The girl slowly unsheathed the knife in her bag and charged against the Chupacabra without thought, and it did the same. She cut the creature across its right eye and the Chupacabra would bite her ankle. It forced her to collapse to the ground.

The Chupacabra stood inches from her face, snarling with the thundering rain, diluting the blood on its eye. The girl struggled, almost sure her demise would come, but when the droplet hit her face, she dropped the knife from her hand. Instead, she moved to brush the back of the Chupacabra’s head and touched its nose to her own.

 

At that moment, the girl found her balance. Amidst the thunder and wind, the girl realized that as an inexplicable source of good for the world, the Chupacabra was the inexplicable bad. It was this thought that helped her see what the Chupacabra had known all along, that they needed each other to survive and live on. That one could not exist without the other.

In that same moment, the rain had stopped, and the sun had risen from underneath the sea. It was almost as though the gods were symbolizing the end of one journey taken amidst the night and introducing a new one lit by the sun.

The spines layered on the back of the Chupacabra lowered, it stepped away, turned to face the sunrise and it sat at the girl’s feet. The girl sat up and did the same. From that point on, the girl and the Chupacabra would travel the world in tandem on a righteous path of healing. That of the self and for all else around them.

A Map of My Mind: Corona Edition

This is a representational map of my routine during covid. Going to college and having to stay on lock down means that a lot of my daily interactions revolve around school, my technology, and just being in my house. Except for those few changes in my schedule when I’m able to go out with friends, family or to campus (in a covid safe way of course). On the left side of my brian My day starts with a morning fog, aka the groginess of waking up and generally getting ready for the day. Then I promptly go in the hills of study halls, loging into my classes and hitting the books for most of the day. After that I spend some time in Beverly Hills, i.e. the world of Instagram, tik tok, Netflix, my hobbies, etc. Which can sometimes lead onto a road that goes nowhere. Then eventually I recharge all my devices and cross the cassum of my mind into the right hemisphere of my brian which is the nightly portion of my routine. I spend sometime in the hills of solitude where I plan out my week, reflect on life and school. Floating down my river of consciousness I pass through the Cliffs of Notes where I do late night homework. On most nights my last stop is the Land of billowing pillows, which overall includes me getting ready for bed. Other nights I visit the land of landlines before ending my day, often calling friends to catch up and for company before I fall asleep and start the process again.

One of My Many Faces

Here is a clay portrait of myself, or rather what could be me.  In light of questioning what the self can really be and symbolize, I can be anyone and look like anything. This is a close version of what I currently look like, but all in all, it’s just one of my many faces, from one of my many existences.

My Cosmic Alphabet Soup

My mandala is a literal and mostly symbolic representation of who I perceive myself to be, known and unknown. The outermost area of my mandala represents the infinite hands that affect me and my being. Whether those are the cosmic hands of the universe or those closest to me. As my mandala approaches the center, you encounter the four main cornerstones of my character, the ways that people would describe me. A Purple carnation for spontaneity, a scribble ball for my anxiousness, a pair of masks for my flair for the dramatic/the arts, and an Irish Claddagh for my heritage, along with the love and loyalty I have for my friends and family. Within those four corners lie the ever-changing and evolving tides of my inner self, represented by the ocean. But reversely, that same ring serves as the sun. As the sun is the center of the universe, everything past this ring represents what signifies the center of my universe. Which is my religion (cross), my thirst for knowledge (book), my love for music (headphones), the role that love plays in my life(two locks), my hyper-awareness of time (hourglass), and my Hispanic heritage/history (polaroid photos). Holding up the forces I believe make me who I am, are 2 white figures. These figures were meant to signify all the people, ideas, and things that I have yet to name and identify as contributors to who I am. At the center is a silhouette of myself, to represent the infinite unknowns that dwell within me. Finally, there’s a black thread passing through all the layers of me, tying my individual being to the rest of the cosmos.