We all know about magnets and how the negative side attracts the positive side, but is it the same when it comes to people? This may be the case but it varies based on the kind of relationship. You cannot conclude that relationships can only work one way, it all depends on what someone is looking for in a relationship. Some differences in couples may “spice” up the relationship, but they can also cause some controversy. Early on in a relationship, if your interests are your mates dislikes, it may be a sign that it won’t work out in the long run. Laura Berman, PhD says, “We all know by now that it is not a good idea to look for someone else to “complete” you; rather, you want someone to complement you.” Usually, a person initially connects with another who has common interests, whether intimately or platonically. For a successful relationship, couples must share many of the same interest, but it is beneficial for them to have other aspects that complement each other as Berman says.
Researchers, Nathan Hudson and Chris Fraley, conducted a study to discover the compatibility of couples who share personality types. Venita Mehta, Phd, EdM explains their study as follows: “They recruited couples in romantic relationships and gave them a battery of tests five times over the course of a year (approximately once every two months). The study began with 174 couples—including one gay couple and one lesbian couple. Seventy-four percent of the sample was white, and their ages ranged from 18 to 25 years. They were a relatively committed group, as 93 percent were in exclusive relationships and 3.3 percent of the couples were engaged. The slim remainder of the sample characterized their relationships as ‘‘casual.’’ Relationship length at the start of the study varied, ranging from less than one month to seven years, with an average of almost 17 months.” They used five basic personality traits to evaluate similarity within couples. Their main finding was that couple who “perceived” themselves as sharing common personality traits were often more content. They also declared that if you receive love and caring from a person for a consistent period of time you will grow attached to this person; this is how infants become attached to their parents.
Jean Lawrence, in her article, presents another study; “In a study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences in July of 2003, researchers quizzed 978 heterosexual residents of Ithaca, N.Y., between the ages of 18 and 24. First, the participants rated the importance of 10 attributes of a long-term partner, and then rated themselves on the same scale.” The results of the study were quite similar to those of the Hudson and Fraley study. When it comes to the success of a relationship, it’s all about perception.
The key discovery of investigating into relationships is that perception is everything. If both parties feel that their partner is happy, then he or she will feel happy as well. These studies were observational, yet they were effective because they both ended with the same conclusion. There is no one type of person that is perfect for another. People have to work at relationships to make them long-lasting and successful.
This article caught my eye due to the commonly said phrase, whether it be in songs or in science class we have all heard this a lot. The study conducted by Nathan Hudson and Chris Fraley was very well structured in my opinion and I agree with the results. I believe feeling as though you share some traits in common to be epochal in a healthy and lasting relationship. Additionally, the different partners perceptions of being loved and cared for are quintessential for any type of relationship. I really enjoyed the conclusion you drew at the end of your blog, and find it to be a true and mature summation of your findings.
In my Marketing class we talk about the role of perception when it comes to products. I think it’s important remember that we often go to things we think we will be comfortable around them. However, the sample of the study is to small and narrow for me to totally believe it. Is it the same across every race because the 26% that represented other races is not a significant measure to accept that this theory is true. It’s a very interesting concept and for the most part I do believe that similar ppl work better, I’m not sure that there is a way we can measure weather the individuals are happy because their comfortable or because they are truly in love.
I also learned in AP psychology that opposites actually do not attract, and that in fact that whole theory is not necessarily right. She told us that generally, people with the shared traits or interests report on being happier. However, I agree with your observation, if people in a relationship work for it and they feel like their partner is happy, the relationship has a higher chance of working out.
My AP Psychology teacher always emphasized that opposites do not attract but never gave a valid explanation. He said people must share core traits and beliefs to be compatible, but they could differ in less important personality traits. After reading your article, I cannot believe he failed to mention that it is all about your perception of the relationship. Your blog was very interesting and makes me think differently about relationship compatibility.
Whenever I used to hear the phrase opposites attract in terms of relationships I never really quiet understood it. The best relationships I’ve had with people is when I can relate with someone or when we have a common bond or connection. I liked your last closing statement when you said there’s no one perfect person for another. People have to work at relationships in order for them to grow and get stronger.
I loved this and I also found another article with a different view point that references Jean Lawrence in the argument and you can see that here!