Do you ever find yourself in the middle of the hub drooling over the guy you met last period in your seminar class? How about that long distance college relationship that is so worth staying in even though your more than a three hour plane ride away? So, what is it about love that keeps us hooked? Is love just a thought or is there a proven science behind our emotions while we dive into a new relationship? There actually is a proven science behind love that occurs in the brain while we enter or engage in a meaningful relationship.
In my senior year of high school, it happened. I fell in love for the first time. I did not think it was possible to feel such emotions for another person until I experienced it myself. Yeah, I watched the notebook every now and then, and even read books such as The Fault in Our Stars by author John Green to live vicariously through the main characters love stories, but not once did I even imagine myself on the other side. And this is exactly what made me curious in what love is and how it actually works, but on a more scientific level…
First lets talk nitty gritty: the brain. When we fall in love our brain is in a pool of transition and wave of chemical reactions. We all have a brain, right? In that brain, we have hormones also known as oxytocin. Oxytocin (the feel-good hormone), is released when we find that special match, or experience that love sensation and, “…when {oxytocin is} released in your brain during certain types of human contact, it has the effect of bonding you to the other person involved”(Brain HQ). This ultimately leads to an increase in dopamine which affects mood and behavior… To read more about what happens after these chemical exchanges occur, click HERE if you’re interested! That being said, that is the overall gist of why we fall in love and the actual science that occurs in the brain while we drool over our next guy
While chemicals in the brain play a huge role in determining our love paths, psychology also plays a big part in why we fall in love. According to a WebMD article, The Science Behind Romance, “Our choice of a mate is partly dictated by a “love map,” an unconscious list of traits we want in an ideal partner that we construct during our childhood. We get used to our father’s sense of humor or our mother’s brand of affection and use this to build our list. When we meet a potential partner, we consciously and unconsciously determine if that person is right for us. “We often do this in less than three minutes,” Fisher says” (Zamosky 1). It’s interesting to think that our minds naturally move toward our normalcy as a comfort factor. We as humans have a first instinct to go to cling to what we grew up with and what we are most familiar with. That being said, it is important to point out that correlation DOES NOT prove causation… i.e. I don’t ONLY like a boy because he smells like my dad’s cologne that I grew up smelling. I like him because of his personality, looks, and humor, as well as maybe that familiar scent that I know so well. This is an example of third variables that come into play, and that is the reason why you cannot say that correlation proves causation because that is not the case.
Hopefully now, the science behind love is clear and the psychology is proven. Next time you find yourself in a vulnerable position, maybe you’ll reflect on what you’ve just read. Maybe not. Anyways, it’s a very interesting concept to wrap your head around and give some thought!
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Such an interesting post! I myself did fall in love for the first time my senior year of high school, and I completely understood your mindset throughout this post, although I switched the roles. I’m only a 2.5 hour car ride from home, and my girlfriend and I have made it work . The concept of our childhood correlating with partial aspects of our love life grabbed my attention, as I have never heard of that concept before. Another third variable could possibly be that what we got from a previous relationship helps decide what we DON’T want in a current one, once again reemphasizing that there is no direct correlation between childhood familiarity and a love match. Relating this back to class, I can only wonder what the CHANCE is to find a soulmate, or even if a soulmate is a real thing? Such a good post, thanks for sharing this subject!
I agree! I really liked how you related what we learned in class into the article. It helped me to create a clearer image of what you were describing. I also find it pretty unbelievable that because we subconsciously look for a man who has similar traits to our fathers, this carries out even if the father is abusive or controlling. I am surprised that even that character trait carries over what someone would look for in a partner.
Interesting post! It is strange to think that our boyfriends/girlfriends are similar to our parents, but it can be very true! Also, good job connecting what we learned in class to your concept.