Everyone has experienced rejection at one point in their life. Wether it was you did not get a job you interviewed for, the girl or guy you asked out said no, or even not getting into the sorority or frat you wanted. Either way, rejection hurts.
Geraldine Downey Ph.D., explains that rejection feels terrible because,”it communicates the sense to somebody that they’re not loved or not wanted, or not in some way valued.” Some people experience rejection more than others and those that do learn how to expect rejection, become constantly concerned about it, and also are more sensitive to it. This constant worry can lead to self-rejection. This feeling can cause many problems. It can cause an individual to feel worthless and as if no one wants to be around them.
Guy Winch, Ph.D., says that rejection does 50 percent of the damage and we do the other 50 percent. He explains that we take rejection to the next level and make it worse by thinking negative things about ourselves.
So how did this emotion of rejection come about? Scientist trace rejection back to our ancient roots. Guy Winch explains, “When we were hunter-gatherers and living in tribes, the price of ostracism was pretty much death. You wouldn’t survive without your tribe; you wouldn’t have the warmth of hearth, the protection of fire.” We developed an early-warning sign to protect us from the possibility of being ostracized. The more painful the experience the more likely we were to change our behavior to avoid ostracism. This trait was passed on through our genes.
Humans, being social animals, makes rejection all the more painful. Research shows that rejection triggers brain pathways just like physical pain. A University of Michigan study showed that “the brain’s mu-opioid receptor system releases natural painkillers, or opioids, in response to social pain. This happens to be the same system that releases opioids in the face of physical pain.” The constant feeling of rejection could even lead to depression, crime and reduced employment.
Rejection can feel even worse, when previous factors come into play. If an individual was to experience hardships prior to when they were rejected , they are more likely to be more vulnerable and sensitive to the rejection. Those with lower self-esteem also become more vulnerable to rejection and take a longer time to get over it. On the other hand, those who have higher self-esteem tend to bounce back faster.
There are ways to not let rejection get the best of you. The best way is to not let it bother you in the first place and minimize its effects on yourself. It is really important to build resilience. However, not all people can do that. Winch says a quick workout out can do the trick before a situation you could possible experience rejection. You can also remind yourself of your self worth. Write down all the good qualities about yourself and how it can do good to another individual. Keeping a positive, upbeat attitude can also help rejection. This attracts people to you so you may not even have to experience rejection. It is also important to have a good support system. Talk to the people that you trust the most. Most likely they can help you feel better about your situation and help you cope with your rejection.
It is an interesting topic to write about since every peroson can relate to it, at least once in life each of us gets rejected. I was suprised to find out that our understanding and most of the time negative view on the feeling of rejection was influenced by our ancestors. The only possible result of being rejected at those times is deapth and the trait of avoiding it passed to us through genes. I guess if it would not matter that much back then people would not struggle with the fear to be rejected nowadays what would change so many lives. Being rejected in any way nowadays leads to so many serious problems such as crimes and reduced employment as author mentioned, and it is incredible to know that it is the result of the inability to survive without being part of the community such a long time ago.