Parent’s shape the person we all become. They instill within us their expectations, values, beliefs, and character traits they want us to uphold. Some parents may live vicariously through their children, encouraging actions they wish they would’ve had the opportunity of pursuing when they were our age. Another way parents influence our personalities, which is out of their control, is through the order in which they give birth to their children.
Firstborn
Firstborn children are the parents so-called trial and error. They have never had a child before nor created a routine of doing things and must figure it out along the way. They find what works and what doesn’t work to be better prepared for the children to come after. While a parent may feel it is best to follow by the “book” when it comes to parenting, the child may pick up on the perfectionist attitude and try to please the parents over the years. Parents oftentimes place higher expectations on the first-born child and therefore first-borns will be perfectionists and have the constant desire for control. Older children will tend to enjoy being responsible, making those around them happy, highly motivated to succeed, but may also struggle with jealousy.
Eldest children do not only strive to succeed and act as perfectionists, but they have the outcomes to match. New York Times reported on a study that confirmed the possibility that IQ scores are on average three points higher for first born children than the other siblings in the family. While three points could be credited to chance, scientists provided an explanation to the possibility. The first child to new parents gets all of their attention and are raised mostly in the presence of adults, rather than younger siblings that are always around their older or younger brother or sister. The researchers conducting the study have clarified that the results are not “biological factors,” or as a consequence of the mother’s actions while the child was in utero. The article also mentioned on the fact that more firstborns have earned Nobel Prizes than others lower in the birth order. While oldest children in the family get their parent’s attention and must try to meet expectations placed on them, middle children tend to get lost in the shuffle.
Middle Child
The second born or middle child in a family is not raised in their parent’s undivided attention as their older sibling had been, but must share. Middle children will pick up the peacemaker role in the family, concerned with fairness and holding understanding traits. From experiences with older siblings, the middle child will gain negotiation and social skills. A lot of times these children will create a circle of close friends in order to make up for the attention they are not getting from their family at home. Parents will tend to compare the middle child to the eldest, which is a lot of pressure and they will begin to rebel. Middle children go the opposite direction as their older sibling. If the eldest honors the role as a caretaker in the family, the middle child may be the comedian, if the eldest excels academically, the middle child may turn towards sports, instead.
The middle child stereotypes typically tend to be negative, being referred to as “middle child syndrome.” It was found that middle children lack direction, but leave the house before their siblings. They choose an “unconventional” appearance to stand out for their parents. Middle children are also more susceptible to peer pressure. A study found that only 7% of mothers identified with their middle child compared to 39% that identify with the eldest. It can be hard for the middle child to find a place in the family and oftentimes complain of feeling misunderstood or ignored.
Last Born
Youngest children born are unique in the sense that they never have to experience a younger sibling coming along and stealing some of the spotlight as they had done to their other siblings. Family members swoon over the newest addition and the older siblings will help take care of the youngest, therefore they are oftentimes spoiled and pampered, having less responsibility than their brother or sister and they develop charm to keep it that way. Youngest children typically have more freedom than other siblings and become independent sooner, yet parents still baby the the last born into adulthood. The freedom from expectations and parents’ watchful eyes allows the youngest child to explore what interests them, typically leading to a creative career such as writing drawing, etc.
“A child’s position in the family impacts his personality, his behavior, his learning and ultimately his earning power,” states Michael Grose, author of ‘Why First Born Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change It.’ “Most people have an intuitive knowledge that birth order somehow has an impact on development, but they underestimate how far-reaching and just how significant that impact really is.”
It is not the sequence of births that shaped the children’s individual personalities, but rather the evolution of parenting styles through the years. Children being raised alongside other siblings have multiple other factors that contributes to their personality and ultimate success in the future. Birth-order theory, along with family circumstances, sibling age gap, and the parenting style.
I laughed while I was reading this post because of how relatable it is to my own family. I am the oldest child in my family, with a younger brother and sister. The thing that is interesting about my situation, however, is that my brother and sister are both 14, but they are not twins. They are adopted from Russia, and my brother is 3 months younger than my sister. So technically, the 3 month difference makes our order: me, my sister, and then my brother. But strangely, my brother has always acted more like a classic middle child; peace keeper, very athletic (unlike my sister and I), and very susceptible to peer pressure. My sister on the other hand acts more like the youngest child. She’s spoiled, demanding, yet charming. As for me, I most definitely fit into the oldest child stereotype. I am curious to know what causes this role switch between my brother and sister. Maybe it’s because they’re so close in age, or maybe it’s because they were adopted at the same time. I wasn’t able to find much on the particular subject, but maybe it could be an interesting way to expand the topic and possibly write something more on it for your next post!
I enjoyed this article, however I feel like it was a little stereotypical. Everyone always says that the oldest is the most protected, the middle child rebels, and the youngest is spoiled. After doing some of my own homework, I realized it was stereotypical for a reason. Most researchers state that the way children act does have a lot to do with their birth order. But, more than birth order, I think that parenting style also has a lot to do with how your children turn out. Of course, parenting can only take someone so far, but hopefully, if parented right, even the middle child can turn out golden.
This was my favorite topic in Psychology in high school and I always found it to be so true. As the baby of three girls, I see these traits in myself and older sister. My oldest sister is definitely the nurturing one while my middle sister is the rebel. I was the one that always had someone looking out for me. I just think that it is so cool that our personalities can be determined in this sense. Great post!
This was very interesting and enjoyable to read as I am a firstborn. However, reading this only confirmed the notion that I couldn’t be further from the stereotype commonly put forth about firstborns, so I did some research and came across this CNN article stating that only 23 percent of women and 15 percent of men are actually a true fit for their birth order profile. The five “disruptors” that account for this are genetics (nothing affects your personality more than genetics), gender, physicality, specialness (such as a disability that may warrant extra care), and age spacing (the closer siblings are in age, the more competition there is). Still, it is incredibly interesting to see how other factors such as different parenting styles and the number of siblings contribute to children’s personalities and future success.
Really interesting post. Being that I am one of three kids, I can really relate to this post. I see similarities to what you describe in each birth order in my own family. I am the last born child and while I definitely get more attention and my parents are more relaxed with me in certain situations, it isn’t always the case. I am the only girl after two boys, so my parents treat me differently in a lot of situations than they treated my brothers. I wonder if gender in combination with birth order have an effect on personality and how one is parented.
This blog post is one that can relate to most of us. But not all, some of us are indeed only children, not me, but definitely some. Perhaps in another blog you could branch out on the topic of only children, because I have noticed they definitely have different personality traits. I also think that you have the opportunity to elaborate on nature vs. nurture when it comes to child order, like for example if a child was born prematurely, would it have an effect on what personality it grows up to have. Here’s a link to start you off on the only child debate.
http://www.newkidscenter.com/Only-Child-Characteristics.html