Personally, my life would be completely different if my parents were not divorced. Considering they have been divorced since I was two, they are like two separate people to me and I could never see them as a couple. Although I am an example of a case of divorce early on in my childhood, I consider myself lucky. In fact, I believe my parents divorce would have impacted me more if it happened a lot later in my childhood. This leads me to wonder how divorce affects children at different ages. \
A report was done on a group of college students who’s parents had divorced at least three years prior to the study. Most subjects agreed that their life and the person that they are would be completely different if their parents had not divorced. They also believed they were forced to grow up at an early age and that their childhood was more difficult than a typical childhood. What bothered me about this study was they only questioned the students on their poor relationship with their father instead of signaling out both parents as a whole or questioning both parents impact separately.
Divorce during teenage years often leads kids to have aggressive behavior, anxiety, and addiction. This is because the teens don’t feel safe with the relationship they have with their parents. The lack of attention kids receive from parents going through divorce is what often causes them to lash out. Because teens often act out for attention, this also leads them to believe that they are a possible reason for their parents divorce.
Children whose parents divorce end up having weakened relationships with both parents and even sometimes grandparents. The children also never learn how to deal with conflict because the parents didn’t exactly set a great example. They often use violence to solve their conflicts instead of communication. They also often have poor social skills given their fear of rejection. There was also a study done that showed children of divorce are more likely to have an accidental pregnancy at a young age. Also, children of divorce are less likely to marry given their fear of divorce.
Although all of these studies done on divorce show all the negative ways divorce affects children, this obviously isn’t the case for every single child, especially if their parents divorced before the child could even remember it. This also doesn’t mean that children whose parents are happily married don’t have problems as well. Divorce is just sort of shitty in general.
This is a very interesting topic. Although I’m not a child of divorce, I have many friends and relatives who have been through it. One point you make that I disagree with is that “divorce is shitty in general”. I’d amend it to “shitty marriages are shitty in general”, as the divorce actually rectifies that problem of two people who are completely mismatched being together and raising a child under one roof. Divorce is definitely hard on everyone involved, but it’s not necessarily a 100% bad thing. I’m sure in many cases, children are better off with parents not living together or interacting much, as it makes for less stress and tension. I do agree that the report you cited seems slightly biased against fathers and should definitely have been more neutral to both genders. Overall, good blog that had some interesting insight into what it’s like for children whose parents are no longer together.
This is a great topic because so many kids these days deal with divorced parents. My parents are divorced, and I haven’t experienced any of the issues that you stated. This may be because my parents have been divorced for a while like you said. I do agree that my life has probably been harder because of my parents being divorced, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. My parents being divorced taught me so many things, and it opened me up to many experiences that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.
Hannah,
I find your post to be very intriguing. I have seen how divorce has impacted important people in my life. I am not a child of divorce, but someone very close to me is. I have known this person for almost seven years now, and I have seen the impact his parents divorce has had on him.
Living in one parent’s house house one year and the other’s the next caused anxiety and rebellious behavior. Over drinking and some recreational drug use became a habit for him. Depression hit for a few years and caused him to feel unstable. When I first met him, I was not subjected to any of his rebellious behavior. It wasn’t until we became close that I stepped in full-gear to snap him out of this harmful cycle. Months after he worked with me to get back on track, he was a brand new person- healthier and happier.
We dated for three years, and although they were three fun-filled years, I began to notice the insecurity he had about our relationship. I am the last person in the world who would ever be unfaithful to someone, and he knew that. He admitted to me that it was a direct result of him not being brought up by a stable relationship. Sometimes I could make him feel more secure, but other times I couldn’t. It was a battle he was fighting that I could not change. He grew up seeing the most important relationship in his life fail…and fail miserably.
Overall, I thought your post was intriguing as you tied it to your own personal experience. You included that not all children handle divorce the same way and that age does play an important role- all points I agree with.
I read an article on this topic because your post brought up past inquiries I had about the effects of divorce on kids. Interestingly enough, it says that most kids handle divorce well. I think it depends on the age, from seeing what many of my friends and my boyfriend had to go through from divorce. Here is the link if you’d like to take a read: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/.
I am glad you decided to write about something that related to you. I know It is hard for children to accept theri parents to divorce and it cause lots of pain and negative effects on children. I have serveal friends who’s parents are divorced since they are very yong. They seems more mature than people in the same age, and they can deal job are better than people in the same age. I guess that is because they must deal lots of stuffs since they are young. But they have problem like you said is aggressive and easy to get anger. The reason is just like what you said. Here is a youtube video is a autobiography by a girl. She talks about the effect of divorce on children.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dB3chibPz8Y
The reasons for divorce are very personal, but a study that shows how the child is affecting for different reasons would be very interesting. I have a very small sample size, but I have three friends from my hometown whose parents where divorced at different times and for different reasons. My friend whose parents were divorced at a young age deals with problems with finding affection from girls and when he does, does not believe it is real (I’m talking about high school girl friends). He always second guesses if what is going on between them is real and ends up being a huge problem for their relationship. My second friend whose parents were divorced later in his life due to cheating is completely different however. He is very in love with his girl friend, but believes it is okay to cheat on her because that was what his dad did. He claims that cheating does not effect his love for her and in fact makes him appreciate what he has more. Obviously cheating on your boy friend, girl friend, or spouse is wrong. I do not agree with his ways, but his mindset on the situation is interesting. My third friend whose parents got divorced due to cheating as he was leaving for college does not have the same mind set as the second friend. He enjoys having a girl friend and always treats her right. Again, I realize it is a very small sample size but is something that I find interesting.
I was fortunate enough that my parents are not divorced but in many ways I could still interact with your article. Even though like I said my parents are still married, my two best friends while in intermediate and high school, both sets of their parents went through divorces. Divorce is a sad thing, seeing my two best friends deal with these situations put upon them was disturbing. I felt awful for these kids constantly having to sleep out after their parents had a huge fight, having to choose which parent they want to live with; these are things that no 12 year old should have to deal with. Here is a article reflecting on what I briefly mentioned. All in all the impact divorce could have on a child could last a lifetime and no kid should have to deal with it alone.
This happens to be one of my favorite blogs being that my parents got divorced when I was younger and I can honestly say it was the best thing that happened to my family, my parents individually, and my siblings and I. Over the summer I wrote a counterargument essay on divorce because it seems that people only want to acknowledge the negative parts of divorce and that their is no good in it, yet being someone who has never seen their parents so happy together could completely argue that. Although many people don’t like to see the good in divorce, there are definitely many positive effects on children with divorced parents.
http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Wikizine-Parenting/Shared-Parenting/The-Positive-Effects-of-Divorce-on-Children.html
Event though my parents are not divorced I was able to relate to your post in many ways. Numerous friends of mine growing up had divorced parents and all had similar actions as described in your post. I never put together that the way they behaved could be due to their parents divorcing but found it very intriguing that they all displayed similar behavioral habits. Here is a video of people talking about when they’re parents got divorced and how they felt/responded: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9JkKmQiqA0
This was a very interesting blog post that I have to agree with. Although I have not expereienced divorce first hand, many of my bestfriends have parents who are divorced. I was with them every step of the way with the process and saw how they were effected, and how they changed. Having your parents get a divorce is not easy, but if you have good friends and a good support group it makes it just a little easier. I found an article on more ways divorce affects children.
http://emeryondivorce.com/how_divorce_affects_children.php
I thought your post really brought to light the affects on the child during divorce. I feel as though a lot of emphasis goes on the people actually getting divorced, and sometimes people forget that its a full circle effect. Children and young adults react differently to divorce and many studies have shown that it may lead to aggressive defiant behavior that can culminate in alcoholism and addiction in extreme cases. This article from “Focus on the Family” gives more studies that show the negative repercussions on the family as a whole following divorce.
How Divorce Affects the Family